If you can't beat 'em...there's probably an App for that

There once was a fair young maiden who lived in a magical land far, far away. She lived in peaceful, happy, ignorant bliss because she had a sleek Razor cell phone. She read books, used her power of intellect to prove her college boyfriend wrong on multiple occasions (a rooster is a male chicken, I promise), and called her dad when she got lost on journeys. The maiden had no use for such things as "iPhones" to weigh down her soul with flashy "Apps" or prove that she was always right. She knew she was always right, and what kind of person REALLY needs to constantly update his or her Twitter every second? She lived in this contented way for many years.

One day, an evil gnome planted an idea in her head to purchase an iPhone. "Why do I need an iPhone? All I want in a phone is unlimited text messaging and a decent allotment of minutes." The young maiden had a clunky mobile phone with a dreaded QWERTY board that she never used (sadly, the Razor was long gone), but she didn't mind. But the twisted, beardy gnome persisted. Eventually, the young maiden was convinced in her heart that the iPhone 4S was meant to be hers.

As she entered the Verizon tavern one morning, she still wasn't fully convinced. "Do I really need Siri? And an 8 megapixel camera?" she queried. To be honest, no. But why buy an iPhone 4 that's already outdated? And so she sold her soul.

No one's heard from the young maiden since. However, rumors abound that she buries her nose in her phone, challenging Facebook friends to "Words with Friends" and trying to avoid embarrassing autocorrects, as well as dodging questions about why she finally decided to take the plunge into smartphonedom.

Whoopsie daisies

Alright, it's a little shameful how long it's been since my last post. Not to make excuses (but let's be honest, I sort of am), but I've been absurdly busy. Interning, waiting tables, and having a church gig suck up all available time, and the few times I've had some down time, all I want to do is watch Castle or Criminal Minds. Or bribe my youngest niece into giving me kisses. On Sunday at our family dinner, Molly didn't finish her dinner. Her mommy and daddy told her that if she didn't finish her food, she wouldn't get dessert. Now, here it where I saw an opportunity. I know how it works..if I want her to give me a kiss or a hug, I have to bribe her, usually with food. Sometimes I fake cry, but cookies are better. I told her that if she gave me a kiss, I would give her a bite of my pumpkin cheesecake (it was huh-mazing). WELL, apparently she innocently told her mommy the next day. Whoopsies. Tattler!

Since my last post, I've been busy with internship duties. I have not yet had to retrieve coffee, so that's good. I was, however, published online...which is pretty darn cool. Check it out here. I did indeed go shopping for business clothes, as well. Turns out that getting a credit card to the store you frequent saves hundreds of dolla dolla bills. Seriously...I think I saved $400 by opening an Ann Taylor card. I could be a Geico or Progressive commercial, but for clothes..."Save hundreds on car insurance, save hundreds on new hipster fashions."

This past weekend, I relayed in the Baltimore marathon with my sister. I trained a bit for it and managed 9 1/2 minute miles. I was proud of myself, and I know I could've run even faster if I hadn't been surrounded by a slower pack...snails. My leg of the race included running through the zoo, and I battled an alligator, a penguin, a bunny, and a rooster. It was intense. Ten-miler race next? Well, definitely a turkey trot on T-gives morning. At least I won't have to wake up at 5am for that one. Psh, Baltimore.

I was also offered a part time position as a voice teacher at a prestigious (so I hear) boarding school in the area. I'm super excited to start teaching! I have a feeling I'm going to love it. I'll keep you posted.

In the meantime, I dare you to be courageous and do something you never thought you'd be able to do. It could be killing a spider. Or being honest with someone about something that's been on your mind forever. It could EVEN be ordering that extra large cookie...for just yourself. Just get out there and live. These tips may or may not be based on personal experiences...especially the spider part.

She works hard for her money...

...so you better treat her right. And buy her diamonds.

Well, it's official! Today was the first day of my internship at the National Education Association, and you know what that means...I need to go shopping. Yay for public education and the country's largest union that needs me to write for and edit their publications! And I totally got called out for being an intern, today. Yellow "non staff" badge, psh.