There once was a fair young maiden who lived in a magical land far, far away. She lived in peaceful, happy, ignorant bliss because she had a sleek Razor cell phone. She read books, used her power of intellect to prove her college boyfriend wrong on multiple occasions (a rooster is a male chicken, I promise), and called her dad when she got lost on journeys. The maiden had no use for such things as "iPhones" to weigh down her soul with flashy "Apps" or prove that she was always right. She knew she was always right, and what kind of person REALLY needs to constantly update his or her Twitter every second? She lived in this contented way for many years.
One day, an evil gnome planted an idea in her head to purchase an iPhone. "Why do I need an iPhone? All I want in a phone is unlimited text messaging and a decent allotment of minutes." The young maiden had a clunky mobile phone with a dreaded QWERTY board that she never used (sadly, the Razor was long gone), but she didn't mind. But the twisted, beardy gnome persisted. Eventually, the young maiden was convinced in her heart that the iPhone 4S was meant to be hers.
As she entered the Verizon tavern one morning, she still wasn't fully convinced. "Do I really need Siri? And an 8 megapixel camera?" she queried. To be honest, no. But why buy an iPhone 4 that's already outdated? And so she sold her soul.
No one's heard from the young maiden since. However, rumors abound that she buries her nose in her phone, challenging Facebook friends to "Words with Friends" and trying to avoid embarrassing autocorrects, as well as dodging questions about why she finally decided to take the plunge into smartphonedom.